#24. Share “Why Coloureds can’t be Hijackers” by one of South Africa’s funniest people Marc Lottering (and that’s not just because of his hairstyle).
“We are always late. We would have missed all 4 flights.
Mooi kinnes on the plane would have distracted us.
We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.
Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane, we’ll soema forget why we’re there.
We praat with our hands, so we’ll continually be putting the weapons down.
We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a moerse fight with each other.
We’ll somma argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on the plane
& one of us bound will say out loud: “Gat kak man! Dan hijack jy die fokken plane alleen!!
Os kannie ‘n secret hou nie. We would have told everyone a week before
doing it, telling them: Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!
We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion.
We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the hostages.
When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a
karaoke session, with one trying to sing ‘I did it my way”.
We would first rob everyone’s of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold teeth, just before we crash the plane.
Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport to see us off,
crying their bladdie eyes out, and your mother saying to the white ou
next to her: “I’m so proud of him. It’s the first time he’s hijacking a plane!”
We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes: balaclavas,
jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en ‘n moerse attitude.
Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home.
Three of us would have overweight luggage.
All of us would have luggage.
We would have all wanted to watch the in-flight movie finished first.
Before we went over into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to first gel our hair.
We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at full blast and
try to park the plane somewhere where kinnes can see us.”